We're like a lot better than the average bears
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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