When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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