dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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