so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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