People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
