I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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