You made me cry and you don't even care
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's never too late to be topless.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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