carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
zippers are such a cool invention
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
