I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
