If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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