We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
