Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
