3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
