I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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