sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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