his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
