Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
