Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
