What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
