This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
