she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
