Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
