Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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