Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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