i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
