They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
