she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
