....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
two words...techno handjob
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
