i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
