I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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