I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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