I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
