She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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