My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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