glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
