I just threw up on my dentist
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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