Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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