either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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