my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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