i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
