I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
