you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
