Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was confusing and full of hummus
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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