"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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