So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
