i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
