If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
