I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
