We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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