Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
