You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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