Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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