He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
